hmmm ... that'll do

WANTED: Nikki Parkinson for crimes to her hair

Nikki Parkinson Beauty 34 Comments

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As I sit here writing this post, it may shock some of you to know that I have not even brushed my hair this morning.

I KNOW. And she calls herself a beauty blogger.

Truth be told, I had to run out the door this morning, took one look at the hair I was dealing with, sprayed it with some sea spray, scrunched it a little and cast a quick glance at the general direction of the mirror.

hmmm ... that'll do

mmm … that’ll do

I’m good like that. At being beauty lazy.

Then I started to wonder why my hair even hangs around.

I mean, I wouldn’t hang around someone who treated me with such little respect, only to turn around and expect me to be all lovely, shiny and bouncy when it’s time to go out somewhere swish. No, I would not.

If there were a Hair police and a Hair court, I’d be in some serious trouble.

My “charge” sheet might appear something like this:

Charge #1: Refusal to let her natural colour “shine” through, so visits a salon every six weeks

I love my unnatural blonde hair ...

I love my unnatural blonde hair … I refuse to give it up

Charge #2: Often forgets to add a sun treatment to her hair when going to the beach

We live at the beach so my hair has had to suck that up

We live at the beach so my hair has had to suck that up … so do my toes

Charge #3: Regularly assaults hair with straightening irons … without protecting first

My ghds have great technology for hair protection ... but I'm an over-user and under-protector!

My ghds have great technology for hair protection … but I’m an over-user and under-protector!

Charge #4: Regularly causes grievous hair harm through overuse of hairspray (a lesser charge because she has cut back significantly since the late 1980s)

It's only for fly-aways, that's ok, right?

It’s only for fly-aways, that’s ok, right?

Charge #5: On more than a few occasions has been known to pack her hair down with half a can of mousse (once again a lesser charge because she has cut back significantly since the late 1980s)

I just need a "little" for volume ... that is all

I just need a “little” for volume … that is all

… my courtroom appearance would play out something like this:

How do you plead?

GUILTY, on all counts, your Hair Honour.

I know, I know. I have neglected my hair for far too long. It is in bad need of some TLC. Big time. It wants to be soft again. It wants to be swishy. It wants to shine.

As retribution for crimes to my hair, I am happy to accept your offer of one month’s community hair service using Dove Nutritive Nourishing Oil Care Treatment. I understand the terms of my non-conviction and will report in here with my hair parole officer next month.

What crimes have you committed on you hair? Do you think you need some community hair service? 

PS. If you head on over to the Dove Facebook page, you and your hair could be looking VERY good for the next 12 months.

Comments 34

  1. Sure do ,i straighten my culy locks every chance i can ,do not know what i would do without my ghd,die i might think ,i go to the hairdressers as soon as grey regrowth pokes through ,get roots and foils done,get it cut when i want too,spray elnett on it after i straighten and horror of horrors today i didn’t even wash it cause i got up late after a night of scratching my face ,just sprayed tresseme dry shampoo in it and off i went,YES Nikki i think we are all guilty of hair crimes to our hair the only good thing i have done is started to use morcannoil light in it and it’s starting to love me back 🙂

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  2. Slack Tart Shortcuts Rule Book.
    Save time on one thing so you can spend more time on another.
    Those gorgeous blue toenails are compensation for your hair sins…which for the lack of love looks pretty damn good. xoxo

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  3. Your Honour, I plead guilty to the following crimes against my hair:

    1. Very rarely brushing it. In fact, only brushing it maybe once a week on many, many occasions.

    2. Very rarely washing it. Twice a week at best, once a week at worst. The worst seems to be winning a lot lately.

    3. Overuse of hairspray and dry shampoo. I am aware I may be incurring added charges such as air pollution.

    4. Loss of bobby pins in my hair. Yes, Your Honour, I’m ashamed to admit that on more than one occasion I have washed my hair, blowdried it and then during the straightening process have discovered wayward bobby pins still in my hair from a previous hairstyle.

    5. ‘Forgetting’ to use styling and heat protectant products. Ooops.

    6. Bemoaning the fact I have “soooo much” hair. Like enough to donate to 3 people.

    Your Honour, I seek the Court’s forgiveness and I also seek my hair’s forgiveness. I promise to take better care of it in the future.

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  4. Actually, I love that unnatural blonde of yours. I’ll prolly be with held in the court too because, I go really easy (read: lazy) on my hair. I do nothing. Nada 🙁 I dont even style it.

    I have dark brown hair which is straight from top and curls below. Ive tried to straighten it up (straightener and no permanent treatment though) but it springs back. so, Ive given up. Well, coming to think of it, is it me or is it my unruly hair!

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  5. Funny to read this post today when I have just desperately tried to get into the hairdresser for some loooong overdue maintenance.

    I lived through the eighties perming my already very curly hair!!!!!!! What was I thinking?

    and now my crimes read like
    Visits the hairdresser twice a year at a push
    Normally self colours although did get streaks on last years visit to hairdresser and now they are a lovely shade of an orangey kind of blah!
    Rips knots and tangles straight out
    Uses the GHD’s way too much and without protection -whats happened to SS – “if its not on its not on”!

    and basically just have a big frizz ball most days through summer that no amount of straightening can fix!

    Oh how I’d love a good hair day its been a while!

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  6. Also guilty on all counts – particularly the beach offense.

    I found mousse in my bathroom recently that I did not know I owned as I also gave up mousse in the late 80s. It’s been bugging me where it came from. I suspect left by a house guest….

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  7. I have not brushed my hair in yearsssss.. good god I cannot even remember the last time I brushed my hair. I just run my fingers through my hair to make sure there are no tangles, pop on some moroccan oil and out the door. Every month or two I have to go out and then I use a hair straightner on it without any heat protection (EEeeeekk)

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  8. I am the one sitting in the courtroom’s public area, watching and looking smug. I’m the one with the halo over her head 😉
    Don’t colour my hair at all.
    Not a massive beach person, but when I do it gets extra attention.
    Wash every day with gentle shampoo and always condition lightly.
    Straighten parts of it (rarely all, hair is quite curly) maybe once or twice a week, always with protection (sounds like I wear a hair condom)
    Last time I saw mousse was 1993.
    Hairspray maybe once a year.
    Unfortunately, none of this gentle care gives me Jennifer Aniston’s hair…..

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  9. I am guilty of never brushing my curly hair – if I do I’m like an exploding ’80’s fluff bomb. Kharma found me last week at the hairdressers and made the hairdresser give me a hairbrush to try and break through the dreadlocks and bird’s nest. She gave me a “I’m not coming near that” death stare.

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  10. Oh good gracious Nikki — When you put it like that, I feel like a criminal too! Although I get two counts of colouring my hair (balayage on the ends and dark on the roots). Eeek. I think I need to sentence myself to some hard treatment time too. Great post, very clever! xx

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