Editor’s note: It’s been a while since I’ve been on the dating scene. Today I’ve got Christine from The Global Goddess sharing her witty wisdom about what to wear when playing the dating game.
ALLOW me to divulge my dirty dating secret. I only own one “date dress”. That’s right. Uno.
Don’t judge me, there’s a method to my material madness and one which has served me well during my sassy single years.
As a brief backgrounder, I wasn’t always single, in fact, I was in a 22-year relationship (and married for four of those) but that all ended sadly and suddenly six years ago. And out of the blue, at the age of 38, I was back on the “market”. I resisted internet dating for the first four of those years, convinced Mr Amazing was right around the next grocery aisle corner (yes, you can laugh now), but in the beginning, I had a blast. While there are many horrible things about divorce, the one great benefit is what I like to call the divorce diet and overnight I lost a kilogram of weight for every year we’d been together.
That’s right, 22 kilograms. Life being the crazy funster that it is ensured that I had never looked hotter, when I felt at my absolute worst.
But that weight loss served me well and I could pretty much wear a paper bag and look half decent. Eventually, the happier I got, the more the weight crept back on and so did the years and before I knew it, I was clicking on that internet dating button like a woman possessed, convinced again that Mr Amazing was just one tap away (yes, please do laugh).
And four years after my desperate dating journey started, I began to apply the things I had learned about what to wear on a first date.
Lesson One: The clothes that women like to wear (eg: maxi dresses and boyfriend jeans) are out.
Lesson Two: Don’t bother spending one red cent on sexy underwear, 100 percent of men are only interested on what that sexy underwear contains.
Which leads me to Lesson Three: Cleavage is King. Of the entire empire. Sometimes, when I’ve been tired of the whole damn dating game, I’ve thought about just popping my boobs in a cab on their own and sending them out of my behalf, while I stay home, drink fruity cocktails, and watch a Disney flick.
Based on my “market research” I eventually came up with my one date dress. It’s silky, it’s strappy and it suggests cleavage. But not too much. It highlights my waist while falling elegantly to just below the knee, and kind of floats in a hippie way, which I like to think makes me appear flirty and fun (or I could just look like a hapless hippie).
Oh, and it’s a pretty purple. It’s a winner, it really is, the only problem being the men who have seen me in this dating dress, frankly, are not. And hence the need for just one dating dress.
Over time I’ve realised that what I want in a man, and what actually exists on the current Australian dating market, are vastly different and so, in a twist of fate, I’ve never had to buy another dating dress. Because I’ve never progressed things beyond the first date.
Yes, I’m kind of like that Kathyrn Heigl movie 27 Dresses in reverse. There’s been 27 dates, at least, but just one dress.
At this point, I should add that men don’t seem to worry about what they wear on a date. I’ve seen it all, I really have, including the bloke who turned up not with the sandy surfie hair his internet dating photo promised, but with short grey hair, looking 20 years older, which made sense, because he admitted the photo was 20 years old. And there I was, worrying about wearing last season’s nail polish.
Things did get a bit tricky earlier this year where I actually progressed things to four whole dates, and I had to rush out and buy a few back-up outfits – The Supremes to my Diana Ross – but when I realised he kept turning up in thongs (not the only thing wrong with him, but the easiest to explain), The Supremes and me packed up our pantsuits and went home.
And I haven’t been on a date since.
There’s actually a couple of reasons for this, but apart from the fact I’ve had a heady year travelling for work, I don’t particularly like to date in winter (my purple frock is strictly a warm weather affair).
Winter is for comfy jarmies and hot water bottles and red wine in bed. And in the height of summer, in sub-tropical Brisbane, my hair frizzes so much I look like a sucked mango. Which pretty much leaves me with autumn and spring. And so here we are, in the “season of love” and I’m about to dust of the old dating dress again.
In the meantime, I’d love to hear all your suggestions for the ideal date dress, and if you have any tips on finding Mr Amazing, I’d love to hear that too.
SY’s date dress shopping suggestions
1. Gracie Dress $255 @ Birdsnest | 2. Kate Drape Tie Dress $249 @ Sacha Drake |3. Dannii Minogue Metallic Cocktail Dress $79 @ Target |
4. Moulded Peplum Dress $129 @ Country Road | 5. Chrissie Swan Wrap Dress $39 @ Big W
Christine Retschlag is an author, blogger and freelance writer. The Global Goddess is targeted at strong, smart, sexy and spiritual women (and the great men who love us!). To read more about her dating disasters, travel tales, and spiritual journeys, go to www.theglobalgoddess.com