“I just feel invisible!” a 50-plus friend said to me the other day. That really got me thinking about what it means to get older.
We reach our 50s and something changes. It’s all very well to try and keep fit, stay trim and keep on working, but the reality is that all these things become harder. Your knees start creaking and other joints give a twinge or two, and perhaps you’re not quite so inclined to go to the gym anymore, or join sporting clubs, so it’s harder to keep slim (especially when the hormones go haywire too).
As if to add insult to injury, over the years our style might also stagnate. You might suddenly find yourself becoming a bit, well ‘uber mumsy’, a little too practical to be considered stylish, and this may be compounded by the fact that people begin to overlook you. Girly versions of who you once were seem to get all the attention while you might be ignored, and you begin to put it down to your age.
It happens. That’s life. It’s not the end of the world, but after 50, from a visual point of view, you can start to feel a bit, well … invisible.
The good news is that when you’ve lived on this planet for half a century you’ll have come to accept certain things about your body. The things that you can’t change, and the things that you can. You understand your body shape; whether it’s your hips, your butt or your tummy that you need to conceal and if it’s your legs that you can show off, and you realise that body shape is often more about genetics than lifestyle.
There’s no need to sink into invisibility when you reach 50, or get stuck in a fashion rut, because with a bit of help we can look younger than our years and still remain elegant and stylish. It’s no good chasing youth as if it were a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow but there are lots of ways to look great after 50.
When Nikki asked me to write about my style journey from 20y-something to 50-something I thought it would be easy. I’m no model, I’m just a normal woman (a blogger and freelance writer), but I thought my dress sense was probably ok. Pah! What a shock I got when I really started looking around at what I thought was stylish – and actually isn’t anymore.
Seriously in need of some help, I approached Kirstie from W.Lane (Previously Wombat) a store that focuses on fashionable clothes for women baby boomers, and she luckily came to the rescue, took me in hand and put some looks together to teach me how to not be invisible after 50.
The pictures I found from my youth also made me realise how little style I had then, and I only got away with things because I was young and just a little outrageous. Back in the day, I could wear anything with aplomb and it didn’t really matter and I didn’t care, it seems. In a very old photo below, taken on a night out in Jogjakarta, Indonesia when we were backpacking I didn’t have anything clean to wear so I wore Dave’s lanky shirt tied up with a scarf I’d probably bought that afternoon in a market. The hat. Omigosh. Where did I get that hat? Don’t ask.
Almost 30 years later and how we’ve changed. Older, wiser and a little more respectful in dress sense maybe.
These days dressing well not only takes some thought, but it’s also the putting it all together that needs consideration – which is why I’m a Styling You fan and my hat goes off to Nikki for being such a natural style icon and making it all seem so easy.
But it’s amazing what you realise about yourself when you pay attention to your clothes and looking at photos is a wonderful way to take stock.
Or take shock.
In the photos below I’ve learnt a couple of things.
When I was 24 I had long permed hair. I tried to emulate the Pre-Raphaelite look and I enjoyed a bit of bling, floaty Indian dresses and jewel colours. I used to use a henna rinse that made my hair a Titian colour and then it suited me. Now, I’m not so sure I could do that because of the grey coming through, and blond highlights are a more effective way (for me) to hide the grey. Some people are happy with grey, but I’ve learnt that I’m not.
I’m still drawn to jewel colours, and again, if they suit you, why should you stop wearing them as you get older? There’s a poem that goes something like, “When I’m old I’ll wear purple,” and why not if it suits you. In the picture below right, at Dotti, beautiful and stylish Cassy (wish I could wear a black beret worn at a raffish angle like that) showed me this lollipop crew neck jumper that I though would be just right for a rather grey South West day and would be something to bring colour to a pale winter face. It was $49.95 and the lavender jeans $39.95.
These days evenings are more likely to see me dressed in black. Either a long dress with some silvery bling costume jewellery or slim black pants and a longish top to hide my bum, below left. Boring really. But you know what I’m thinking might improve things? Black beret, like Cassy? Maybe I could …
I really like the British, M & S, Per Una range. I think it’s quite clever, see left below, how I managed to merge in with the flowers in the garden this day at Aravina Wine Estate in South West Australia – or was I just trying to be invisible? Apart from that the look strikes me as a bit ‘uber mumsy’. I’ve cut the shoes out of the picture. You’ll see them in the picture on the right. They’re awful.
But I do like both these dresses, . In hindsight the one on the right makes me look ‘tent-ish’ around the hips. Little bolero tops are a great way to hide upper arms if you’re not comfortable showing them. The sandals I’m wearing should be outlawed. But they’re comfy, (there’s the 50 in me speaking). Should I have been carrying a white handbag? Does it even matter?
The sort of shoes I’d like to buy, and would have teetered about in happily in the past, are what an old friend of mine used to call ‘Tarts’ Trotters.’ Oh how I love these lovely lacy fuschia high heels ($69.99) from Betts, but to tell you the truth I wouldn’t last two minutes in them now. So dream on Cinderella. Instead I’d go for the more practical black ankle boots ($169.99) on the right.
- On the left Airflex, Expresso, leather upper and leather lined wedges ($89.99) from Betts go with a lot of outfits and I can walk in them. Although I didn’t think I could wear the Poem watermelon wedges, ($89.99) on the right, after trying them on I’m not so sure. Perhaps for a sit down dinner, but not for lots of walking around or running for a bus! They are definitely a ‘look at me’ shoe though.
Daytime wear for me is generally casual. I like soft, lightweight cardis, and easy to wear cut off pants or jeans, and although the look below is easy to wear I think the boring beige idea is definitely a no-no if you want to be noticed rather than invisible, although I particularly like this scarf and wear it with lots of things.
How much more stand-out-ish is this beigey look below? Kirstie suggested using cream, mink and black to look more eye catching. I love the little rouched bolero ($79.99), teamed with the lace cami ($49.99), Sateen chino pants ($69.99) and a multi stone resin necklace ($29.99). The shoes are Airflex, Expresso pictured above.
I walked past this Jacket at Just Jeans (below left) and lusted over it, thinking I’d wear it with navy pants to something like a conference or business meeting if I wanted to make an impact. It’s a bit power dressing don’t you think? That was all the rage in the 1980s (Do you remember the series Dallas and all those big hair do’s and padded shoulders?).
I’m not sure if I’d wear the stripey top ($29.95) on its own but you wouldn’t be invisible in that jacket – no siree 🙂
Then I tried a stripey jacket over a red top at W.Lane and thought the horizontal stripes were ok as long as they didn’t meet up in the middle, but I think the overall look is eye catching and appealing, ideal for the office perhaps?
My lovely 20 year old daughter talked me into buying this dress from Sabotage, and although it’s shorter than I’d normally buy I’ve ended up wearing it a lot and I love it, which goes to show (I think) that you can still wear shorter dresses when you get older. And why not – as long as they’re not pelmet skirts?
This picture has reminded me how I need to cover up the top part of my arms now that I’m over 50. If there’s anywhere on a woman’s body that ages it has to be the upper arms. I guess the flesh coloured sandals are ok, but I think they could be improved. The wooden beads were a present from my niece who had been doing voluntary work in Uganda where she’d bought them to help a women’s craft initiative. I like wearing bits n bobs that mean a lot to you, it’s like having a security blanket.
Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope some of these ideas resonate with you. Like I said, I’m no model, just an ordinary woman trying to make the most of the cards I’ve been dealt with.
Most of all, I believe the best way to remain visible as you get older is to celebrate your age, wisdom and life experience. Rethink your look if needs be and then stride out with confidence, but most of all keep fit, healthy and happy. So get out of your glad rags, put some old clothes on, oil the knees and go climb a rock – or whatever!
Do you think your age makes your style invisible? What has your style journey looked like?
————————————————————————————————————————
Johanna Castro is a freelance writer and travel expert. Her Travel and Lifestyle blog “ZIGAZAG” encourages people to “Live for the Moment, Love Adventure and Do Something Awesome.” To learn more about How to be a Well Fed blogger download her free E-book. Jo’s written for 40+ print publications, has self published a children’s novel for charity, lived in 11 different countries, is married to a gorgeous geologist and has two well travelled, grown up children.
Editor’s note: I’m very grateful this week to have some fabulous guest blog posts to publish here on Styling You as I get over my US adventure and a big combination of jetlag and post-holiday blues.
Comments 57
I’m 38 and my knees and joints creak and groan. But I definitely believe that you should wear what you want and not give your life up because you get married or start having kids.
I have heard so many women say they “lost themselves” or “gave up their lives” when they got married and started having kids.
I personally think that is SO WRONG and will not be doing it if or when I ever get married or have kids.
looking fantastic at 50 Jo! Thanks for these great dressing tips for the over 50s! You certainly must follow them as you always look fabulous!
She does, doesn’t she?
I love the hot pink and black heels! You are a lovely woman!
Denielle
handbagshub.com.au
Thank you Denielle 🙂 I know, those pink and black heels are to die for!
Jo this article is just divine. I had the most amazing time working with you, it was an honour!!!
I must say you look fabulous, but I wish you had a photo of the brown knee length dress you took home as it looked just stunning! Like everything you tried on!
Take care x
Oh, that’s lovely of you to say. Jo looks fabulous!
Thank you Kirstie, I’m so glad you liked it!
Love your post. After recently turning 50 your post has hit a nerve. Invisible is exactly how I feel. I am fit, healthy and have always been a reasonably attractive woman. Fashion is now a constant struggle. How to not look like a frump and at the same time not look like mutton dressed as lamb. I am always looking for ideas.
Thanks. I enjoyed your ideas.
Oh, I hope you are inspired Joanne. Don’t feel you have to put a lid on your style because of age … experiment and have fun.
Enjoy the age you are especially if you are fit and healthy, and have a little fun … Try new things. So glad you liked some of the ideas 🙂
I think you can definitly feel invisible at any age. This lady is cleary an attractive, slim woman who has wowed people all her life, and still does. good for her. I doubt she’s ever really invisible, although kudos to her for even posting this. I’ve been a size 20+ a lot of my adult life, I know what invisible really is. I could bench press her with one arm 🙂 I know size shouldnt’t be the thing, but most of my bigger friends agree, size is an issue.
I think each individual can feel invisible for all manner of reasons JK – I know size shouldn’t be a thing but it has been for me most of my life too. That was more difficult in my 20s than now as more things define me.
Hmmm, not sure if I’ve wowed people all my life – but thank you for your lovely comments. Weight has been a bit of an issue at certain times in my life too (specially after kids), but saying that I don’t mean to underestimate either how you feel, or your situation. Over the years I’ve learnt what suits me and what doesn’t but I don’t always feel secure in my skin, so to speak. I think feeling invisible can happen for lots of reasons, not just being over 50, and I understand where you’re coming from.
I think you can feel ‘invisible’ at any age. I have gone through those phases too. I think you look gorgeous. Rachel x
Me too Rach … so easy to slip into!
Totally agree, Rachel – and maybe it’s all part of life’s journey. Thank you for your lovely comment.
OMG – how could you ever be invisible? You are gorgeous and stylish and I would totally do a double take to work out how to imitate your look. I am in my 40s, and love most of the casual traousery looks you showed then.
Miss Cakes, Thank You So Much for the compliments. I’m glad that the post was helpful and hope that you might perhaps enjoy putting together some of the looks too.
Johanna, loved your article and agree with most of it; but please, please stop wearing beige… And that goes for all women over 50. Its so ageing; just have a look around at older ladies (70s) and they are nearly all wearing it. Boring! And as for berets? Love em, I have about 5 at the mo, and they are the white t shirt of the hat world; you can get new ones on Ebay cheaply too. I personally love to wear dresses just above the knee with my Doc Martens ankle boots, a red beret, matching lipstick, and lots of jewellery; works for me… After 50 I realise I can wear what suits me and my husband stops me (sometimes) from looking like MDAL: Mutton dressed as lamb… But saying that, just look at Vivienne Westwood; she just wears what she frigging likes and is a style icon. Be bold, remember we baby boomers have more time behind us than in front …
Louise, thank you, and you made me giggle too! I shall pay heed to your tips about beige, and I like the idea of paying more attention to Vivienne Westwood’s style.
I think the beige looks classy with your colouring – it’s not for everybody though – I would probably just look washed out!
Yes, beige can be tricky depending on your colouring, I agree Janet. I can’t wear beige unless I have blusher and lipstick.
Johanna! You are so lovely and what a great guest post. Am forwarding to my mum right now… (Not that she needs it. The woman is a fox) x
Thanks Mrs Woog, for your lovely compliments. I’m sure your foxy Mum doesn’t need any tips, but hope she enjoys the post all the same x
I can vouch for that! I need a guest post from her too.
terrific article & photos. I was looking at the photo with the camera & taupe/grey items thinking it was Nikki – & that she had lost some weight!!!!
Glad you enjoyed the article and photos, Doodle. A compliment indeed that you mistook me for Nikki! I must be doing something right – yay!
Such a good topic. I’m ‘only’ 36 but often serve as the unofficial personal shopper for my mum (72) and mother-in-law (76). They both find Blue Illusions boutique is great for flattering and fashionable pieces – for everyone, but especially anyone who is over the knees-are-getting-crinkly age. W Lane is another favourite. Watching my mother in particular age so gracefully – and fashionably – is of great poignancy to me. It helps ease the fear of growing older … of becoming irrelevant and invisible. My mother is proof to me that the older you get, the more meaningful and beautiful you can become. And actually, that’s despite the clothes – but nothing beats some pretty wrapping!
Oh I love that you get to do this with your mum and MIL – beautiful to watch and be a part of!
I love this too. Ageing shouldn’t and doesn’t mean that you need to look less graceful or meaningful.
Love this guest Post thank-you so much Jo,I am not in my 50s yet but they are looming fast,I know what you mean ,but think with age comes wisdom as well,I think older women are becoming less invisible,we know what suits us and there is so many stylish options around now.I like to look classy and chic and try very hard to stick to those codes when i go shopping,I did a major cull of my wardrobe last week and got rid of a lot of things that i didn’t wear and things that looked too girly if you know what i mean.I look for nice dresses and tailored jackets and nice tops ,but that doesn’t mean I am giving up my skinny jeans or ponte leggings just yet ,they suit my body shape and I think that is half the battle,knowing what suits you,My arms are still fine luckily and I have a boyish figure and know what suits it.I also think a good leather handbag and stylish flats or wedges give a nice finishing touch as well ,I don’t embrace new trends fully anymore just a little with an accessory or two and my dresses look better just above the knee and I take them up if needed.I also get my hair coloured in a blond shade suits the greys and I know black makes me look old and sick,so i steer away from it or add a bright scarf.having a 22 year old daughter helps as well they are very honest.I have seen a lot of stylish women in their 50s and beyond and I think it’s because they know what suits them and they are perfectly groomed.
Love your style and especially those nude wedges,Lovely!!
You nailed it, Lisa … it is about really knowing what suits us and working our style around that!
Thanks Lisa! It seems as if you really know your style and what suits you too. You go girl!
Love this guest Post thank-you so much Jo,I am not in my 50s yet but they are looming fast,I know what you mean ,but think with age comes wisdom as well,I think older women are becoming less invisible,we know what suits us and there is so many stylish options around now.I like to look classy and chic and try very hard to stick to those codes when i go shopping,I did a major cull of my wardrobe last week and got rid of a lot of things that i didn’t wear and things that looked too girly if you know what i mean.I look for nice dresses and tailored jackets and nice tops ,but that doesn’t mean I am giving up my skinny jeans or ponte leggings just yet ,they suit my body shape and I think that is half the battle,knowing what suits you,My arms are still fine luckily and I have a boyish figure and know what suits it.I also think a good leather handbag and stylish flats or wedges give a nice finishing touch as well ,I don’t embrace new trends fully anymore just a little with an accessory or two and my dresses look better just above the knee and I take them up if needed.I also get my hair coloured in a blond shade suits the greys and I know black makes me look old and sick,so i steer away from it or add a bright scarf.having a 22 year old daughter helps as well they are very honest.I have seen a lot of stylish women in their 50s and beyond and I think it’s because they know what suits them and they are perfectly groomed.
Love your style and especially those nude wedges,Lovely!!
Johanna, can I just say that if I look as trim, glowing and fit as you at 50, I will be a happy woman.
You look fantastic!
I turned 40 this year, have four kids aged from 3 to 10 and feel as though I dress better now than I did a few years ago.
It’s not even about buying expensive brands, as on one wage the budget is tight. I think it is getting tips about adding that extra to make you feel good – a scarf, a necklace, some bangles and nice jacket or cardigan.
Mind you I do try to get some good quality pieces when they come on sale, as they seem to last that little bit longer.
I think now that I am 40 I am more aware of what I do and don’t like and what suits me, rather than a slave to current trends.
Not being sleep deprived like the early days also makes it easier to shop for me, rather than it all being too hard.
Kat, she does look fabulous, doesn’t she?! And you’re on the money with finding those add-on pieces like scarves, necklaces etc to lift your outfit to the next level.
Thanks You Kat! You are so right that after the early days of being so focused on kids, and sleep deprivation, we have a little more time to find out what suits or doesn’t suit us. Enjoy your style journey towards 50 and beyond.
I’m not quite at the invisible age yet, but I have for a number of years been at ‘invisible size’ (which is ironic because I’ve gotten larger!). I think retailers believe that if you’re not 20-something with a size 8 body you don’t matter. It’s frustrating.
As I approach 40 I’m finding I’m far more stylish than in my teens and 20s. I no longer slavishly follow the fads that the stores or my friends say I should wear. I know my shape, I have my own style and I buy things that make me happy. Not being a mum, I haven’t gone through that ‘mumsy uniform’ stage but I certainly became stuck in a style rut for quite a while. Now I know who I am and what I like and having my own style makes me far from invisible – some of my friends describe it as ‘classic with a quirk’ 🙂
(And can I just say how much Johanna reminds me of Twiggy!!)
Melanie, I totally get what you’re saying. I am the same size now as I was in my 20s and it was SO hard to be fashionable when I was younger. Now, it’s easier to put together a style that works for my shape and gives a nod to current trends without being a slave. And I always check in with myself each season to see if I’ve slipped into a rut again.
Ha Ha Melanie! Thank you! That is a big compliment 🙂 I do like your style idea of classic with a quirk 🙂
I think the trick is balancing classic with being on trend. My classic sometimes goes towards mumsy, so I try to swing it back with on trend (cheaper) necklaces and scarves and shoes. I like M & S but sometimes is a bit conservative. I love that stripy jacket, thats my favourite outfit by far in this post – go for it during the day. Jackets are now in fashion for all the time not just the office!
Great point Flickster and think about how French women do it … it’s always a classic look with a twist.
Balancing classic with being on trend – what a good mantra to keep in mind. Thanks Flickster.
Terrific post- I’m 52 and struggle between wondering if I am mutton dressed as lamb or being just too middle aged! I have to say that the 50’s are the most difficult for me- the thickened waist, flabbier arms and legs etc. there are some great tips here, and you look terrific!! I will take your advice on board
.
Hi Shelley … I think we have different shapes to deal with but it’s totally acceptable to want to dress in a fashionable way. So yes, follow Jo’s tips and find a look that works for you. Don’t worry about the mutton thing … just be you!
Thanks Shelley! Yes, it is a difficult age, but just keep on being you and dress up your best bits and dress down the bits you start disliking.
Johanna, I think you are a very stylish 50 something woman!
It’s interesting that this post has come up now, as recently I’ve been thinking about my mum, who is 65. She is an attractive woman, who has a tendency to become invisible when it comes to clothes…. Always thinking that she will end up looking ‘muttony’. Every time she comes to visit we end up overhauling her clothes. Last time she was with me I got her wearing scarves in her hair, something she wore when she was younger. She has great hair, that is predominantly more dark brown then grey. We even went bra shopping, and got a good bra for her “girls”. I remember her saying “wow! It really does make a difference when you are wearing a good bra!”
The biggest difference I notice with my mum, I that when she feels good wearing something she SHINES. It ends up being about her, not the clothes.
I think we can all get caught up in the mutton thing, can’t we Vicky? The truth is that we can still hold on to our style no matter what our age … a generation ago, it wasn’t even an option!
Thanks so much Vicky! I’m so glad you see that when your Mum feels good in something she SHINES. I also learnt that from my Mum who has always been a style example for me. Keep up the good work helping your Mum to find new looks.
I do think your age can make your style invisible- if you let it! It is extremely important to keep up with appropriate style. I felt a bit like I was invisible 4 years ago- at age 40 with a very sensible, plain wardrobe. I also think it can hit at any age- especially while your mind is off the game while having little kiddos for example . So I went in search of a new easy look. I wanted on trend outfits for my off trend size. I found it in TS clothes at the time. They became my essentials and then I have built and edited from there. I have lost a bit of weight and no longer need only larger sized clothes, but I now know what works for me. I can’t go near florals, polka dots or pastel stripes, especially living in the bush, they can really age you- geometric patterns are my thing, quirky little additions to clothes also work well, like buttons and pockets. And I am a great lover of all things black! it covers a multitude of sins, like muddy doggie paws plastered on me as I walk out the door to work! Instead of only being complimented by the older staff at work, I now have some young ones asking where I get my bits and bobs too. It’s very nice!
I agree, there have a been a couple of times in my life (all around little kids) that I’ve taken my eye of the game and found myself in a rut. Finding your way out of that rut is what you need to do – and finding a way out that works for you. x